Letter to a Daydream
by Marte51
Summary: One Shot - Brennan's writing becomes full of her fears as she waits for Booth to wake up again. After his confused statement, he falls asleep before she has a chance to answer his question.


A/N: Yes, one more post-"who are you?" story. This is a strange one-shot that just appeared when I started writing something. I have been at a loss to come up with any ideas of what to do with our two "should-be" lovers. I am going to stay with the theory that his confusion is not knowing whether he awoke to see his "wife" Bren or his partner, Bones. I really can't accept this amnesia thing!

Brennan's fears of what could happen if Booth's illness caused them to go their separate ways come out in her writing while sitting beside Booth's hospital bed. Did something happen between them that neither of them remembers from their time in the circus? Pure speculation but one of those questions that begs an answer.

* * *

**Letter to a Daydream**

_Diary: June 15, 2019_

_You are always on my mind...every day. You left a long time ago to follow a new path to build more memories, one special assignment after another. I know you belong to another now but I still feel close to you. I shouldn't want to steal you away, that's not fair. You are hers now, not mine._

_I dreamed of you recently. I had just lost the love of my new life ...after you... to the pain of a dreadfully slow disease. The sudden loneliness had become a terrible burden I seemed unable to resolve. As I slept that night, a silent hallway appeared before me and there in the shadows stood someone I knew could only be you. I moved towards you and into your open arms that wrapped around me gently...and then I woke up. The most profound feeling of love and peace stayed with me for hours that morning as I sat staring off into space with my coffee, tears in my eyes and stunned by the intense emotion. If I believed in angels, I would almost have thought I had been touched by one._

_Could I still love you...even the new person you have become? I often wondered if I saw you again, would you remember how close we were once? I have wanted to see you, just one more time, but it has been years since our paths crossed. Why can't I let go and let you stay in the past?_

_Coincidence gave you back to me yesterday for one small moment in time when we met by chance at a press conference at the conclusion of a negligent death case. You greeted me with surprise and came to sit beside me. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, you offered your condolences somehow knowing of my recent loss and explained your obscure connection to the case. I was rudely not listening as I quickly catalogued your older but still very handsome facial features to lock in my mind. I look quite different now myself and you had hesitated before suddenly recognizing me. It had been almost 10 years since we last met face to face. _

_"Life happens, things change", we agreed. We laughed and exchanged a smile._

_I tried to listen to the speaker as the session began but your presence beside me was a constant distraction and I found it difficult to concentrate on what was being said. I know I may be called up to assist with technical information at any moment._

_I turned to glance at you and our eyes connected. It couldn't have been for more than 4 seconds. Just as it had so long ago, the rest of the room's occupants turned to mere apparitions as if we were alone together and my sudden nervousness disappeared. I felt peaceful as that one glance was like the closest embrace I'd felt in a long while...since my dream, in fact. I wish I could touch you but my sweaty palms kept me fidgeting with them in my lap. I broke our glance and turned away to force myself to listen to the speaker. I begin to wonder...could you read my emotions in the short time our eyes sought each other?_

_The session ended and we stood to leave. You walked with me as we left the room. As the crowd closed in around us bottlenecked at the door, I felt your hand rest on the small of my back, just like you always did. I had never seemed to notice it before when it happened almost daily but it was the first thing I missed when you were no longer there. Outside, you gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek before we said our goodbyes. You apologized for the short opportunity to catch up and promised to get in touch at some later date. You explained that you needed to get back to the airport for your next assignment._

_Seeing you has awakened all the old emotions that I had spent such a long time putting away. I crave your presence in my life again, more than ever. I have missed you so much._

_The opportunities had been endless for something more to happen between us with all the time we spent together, but it never had. I can't say if it was your "line" or my fears about crossing it. I remember that time we slept in the same bed, just space shared to get much needed rest. My most puzzling memory is of waking up at sunrise with my arm numb and pinned under your waist as you lay beside me, still fast asleep, on your side facing toward the nearby wall. I could never understand how that could have happened. The only possibility was that at some point in our sleep, you had snuggled up close to me and, in my unconscious state, had put my arm around your shoulders as you must have rested your head on my right breast. At some point thereafter, you had simply rolled away from me, trapping my hand beneath you. It has been an enduring puzzle to me and I was never sure if I could accept that it had really happened. There didn't seem to be any other rational explanation for my arm losing its blood flow and nerve stimulation._

_I will continue to hold you in my heart, as I always have. Perhaps we will have another chance some day? Until then, live well and be happy, my friend. Carrying the burden of love for two is hard but worth it. I can remember for both of us..................._

BBBBB

Brennan saved her work this time and wondered what she had been thinking to come up with this. She would probably delete this, as well. How she was ever to work it into a novel, she had no idea...perhaps an alternate storyline for Kathy and Andy? A dream, maybe?...But people hated prequels and familiar characters living different lives, didn't they? ...And the pathos was just too much. She was sure her publishers probably wouldn't agree with starting over with a new set of protagonists.

She glanced over at the sleeping Booth and remembered her shock at his confused statement. He had touched her cheek gently before falling back into the spell of his hopefully healing state of unconsciousness. She had alerted the nurses station to his short period of awakening and had been reassured that despite his confusion, it was an encouraging sign in his recovery. All she could do was wait and remember...even for both of them.


End file.
